Monkeys for sale

[Grumpus]

I love the monkeys.  I'd take one over a doggie anyday. Pick your favorite primate at
http://www.our-pets.net/forsale.htm

[eo000]

Dibs on the cottontop.

[Jessie]

I want that one.  He looks crazy.

[eo000]

the real reason jessie want's that one

[Gamplayerx]

I really want a monkey.  If I had one, I wouldn't let it die a fiery death like my dad's next door neighbor.

[Jessie]

I really want a monkey.  If I had one, I wouldn't let it die a fiery death like my dad's next door neighbor.

Details, girlfriend!

[OBB]

If I got a pet monkey, I'd name it Dr. Zaius.

[BigDun]

Touch My Monkey!

[ReBurn]

I want a babboon with a big red ass.  Those are funny.

[Gamplayerx]

I really want a monkey.  If I had one, I wouldn't let it die a fiery death like my dad's next door neighbor.

Details, girlfriend!

My dad's next door neighbor had the cutest monkey.  They had this enclosure built next to the pool for him (at night he slept inside in the daughter's room in a little monkey hammock).  The monkey had tons of these colored plastic balls in various sizes that he would squash flat so that they'd fit through the bars and he could pelt people with them.  Apparantly, they also fit nicely between the grill of the space heater. 

[ReBurn]

I really want a monkey.  If I had one, I wouldn't let it die a fiery death like my dad's next door neighbor.

Details, girlfriend!

My dad's next door neighbor had the cutest monkey.  They had this enclosure built next to the pool for him (at night he slept inside in the daughter's room in a little monkey hammock).  The monkey had tons of these colored plastic balls in various sizes that he would squash flat so that they'd fit through the bars and he could pelt people with them.  Apparantly, they also fit nicely between the grill of the space heater. 

Stupid monkey.

[Jessie]

I really want a monkey.  If I had one, I wouldn't let it die a fiery death like my dad's next door neighbor.

Details, girlfriend!

My dad's next door neighbor had the cutest monkey.  They had this enclosure built next to the pool for him (at night he slept inside in the daughter's room in a little monkey hammock).  The monkey had tons of these colored plastic balls in various sizes that he would squash flat so that they'd fit through the bars and he could pelt people with them.  Apparantly, they also fit nicely between the grill of the space heater. 

Oh man that's funny.

[Jessie]

I really want a monkey.  If I had one, I wouldn't let it die a fiery death like my dad's next door neighbor.

Details, girlfriend!

My dad's next door neighbor had the cutest monkey.  They had this enclosure built next to the pool for him (at night he slept inside in the daughter's room in a little monkey hammock).  The monkey had tons of these colored plastic balls in various sizes that he would squash flat so that they'd fit through the bars and he could pelt people with them.  Apparantly, they also fit nicely between the grill of the space heater. 

Oh man that's funny.

Ok, maybe it's kinda sad, too.

[Beefy]

Poor thing.

[BigDun]

Did everyone know that July 21 was Monkey Day?

[ReBurn]

Did everyone know that July 21 was Monkey Day?

Do you know that it isn't July yet?  Although I suppose you could be talking about last July.

[BigDun]

Did everyone know that July 21 was Monkey Day?

Do you know that it isn't July yet?  Although I suppose you could be talking about last July.

I just think everyone should mark their calendar now. And start thinking of appropriate gifts to give their loved ones on Monkey Day.

[Beefy]

I just think everyone should mark their calendar now. And start thinking of appropriate gifts to give their loved ones on Monkey Day.

Eat some little plastic hearts the night before and then on the 21st fling your poo at your loved ones.

[Gamplayerx]

Did everyone know that July 21 was Monkey Day?

Do you know that it isn't July yet?  Although I suppose you could be talking about last July.

I just think everyone should mark their calendar now. And start thinking of appropriate gifts to give their loved ones on Monkey Day.

Okay.  I put it on the calendar for ya!

[cnamon]

I want a monkey!  I want him to wear a smoking jacket and drink tequila.

[Jessie]

monkey smoking jacket brings back no gis results, but monkey tequila found this, the cutest thing EVER

[eo000]

I want a monkey!  I want him to wear a smoking jacket and drink tequila.

how much you paying?

[Jessie]

monkey smoking jacket brings back no gis results, but monkey tequila found this, the cutest thing EVER

Monkey Day is almost here, and those are still the cutest monkey babies ever.

[Alice]

I like monkeys.

The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. I thought that
odd since they were normally a couple thousand. I decided not to look
a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200. I like monkeys.

I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His
name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really
bright. They kept punching themselves in the genitals. I laughed. Then
they punched my genitals. I stopped laughing.

I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new
environment. They would screech, hurl themselves off of the couch at
high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the
spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.

Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive:
they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sorta dropped dead.
Kinda like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Damn
cheap monkeys.

I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over
my room, on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It
looked like I had 200 throw rugs.

I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck.
Then I had one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead, dry monkeys.

I tried pretending that they were just stuffed animals. That worked
for a while, that is until they began to decompose. It started to
smell real bad.

I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in the toilet and I didn't
want to call the plumber. I was embarrassed.

I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them.
Unfortunately, there was only enough room for two monkeys at a time so
I had to change them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food
in the freezer so it didn't all go bad.

I tried burning them. Little did I know my bed was flammable. I had
to extinguish the fire.

Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen
monkeys in my freezer, and 197 dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my
bed. The odor wasn't improving.

I became agitated at my inability to dispose of my monkeys and to use
the bathroom. I severely beat one of my monkeys. I felt better.

I tried throwing them away but the garbage man said that the city was
not allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him that I had a
wet one. He couldn't take that one either. I didn't bother asking
about the frozen ones.

I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts.
My friends didn't know quite what to say. They pretended that they
like them, but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched
them in the genitals.

I like monkeys.

/not mine

[Jessie]

Monkey Balls!