Worst. Team. Ever.

[Listener]

If you had to build a "worst NFL team", who would you put on it?  And you have to use players that might conceivably play this coming week in the NFL.

QB:  Joey Harrington, DET:  Mr Bad Decision
RB:  JJ Arrington, ARI:  For a highly-touted rookie, he's not doing too well.  And his pass protection's not too good either.
FB:  I have no idea who plays FB for the Colts, but I'll pick him because they never use him.  I'm sure he's not that bad.
WR:  Dez White, ATL:  Can't seem to catch anything.
WR:  Koren Robinson, MIN:  Made some serious mistakes in the off-season that got him canned.  And he can't catch either.
WR:  Ike Hilliard, TB:  Is he even still playing?
TE:  The guy who plays TE for Arizona.  He never seems to make plays.
Offensive Line:  Houston.  There's a reason David Carr -- who's not a bad QB overall -- gets sacked so many times.
Defensive Line:  Buffalo.  For a good defense, they certainly allow a lot of rushing yardage.
Linebackers:  Arizona.  I don't care how good Shaun Alexander is; you shouldn't allow him to score three times per game on you.
Secondary:  Patriots.  They're trying.  They really are.  But they're too beat-up by injuries to be effective.
K:  Doug Brien, formerly of CHI, now released due to injury:  Talk about going from golden boy (OT FG to beat SD in last year's playoffs) to goat (FG missed to beat PIT in last year's playoffs).
P:  Reggie Hodges, PHI:  I watched him kick last night.  Not at all impressed.  No wonder he was released by STL.
Return Team:  Jacksonville.  I never hear anything good come out of these guys.  Nothing bad, but nothing good, either.  Even Houston has a star return man.
Special Teams:  All.  If you can't make it through a game without someone getting penalized for an illegal block in the back (basically pushing someone when they're not facing you), there's something wrong.

[Jessie]

I'd probably win this since the only NFL players I know are Dan Marino, That Fridge guy, #7 from the Bengals, crap - the guy my mom went to school with...oh Phil Simms, and, no, that's it.

[ReBurn]

I just found out today that the NFL is half way through the regular season.

[Bennyhana]

I ignored the rules, and just started putting random players at random positions.


QB: Keith Traylor, wherever he is now.  He wouldn't be able to drop back fast enough, much less actually being able to throw the ball.
RB: Martin Gramatica-wouldn't be so "Automatica" up the middle on 3rd and 5.
FB:  T.O. - What's he gonna do, throw lead blocks from home?
WR:  Nate Newton
WR: Warren Sapp
WR: Dez White  Why not?  He sucked on the bears, I'm sure you're right, and he sucks in ATL
TE:  Mike Ditka - I don't think Levitra is THAT good.
Offensive Line:  John Madden, but he'd be really good if getting caught in verbal muck wouldn't be considered holding.
Defensive Line: John Madden, but only because he'd concentrate so hard on fellating Brett Farvrerevre that you could just run around him.
Linebackers:  Keyshawn Johnson, Ray Lewis, and Phyllis Diller.  Can you think of worse?  I didn't think so.
Secondary:  New Orleans.  Apparently having your hometown destroyed hampers your game a bit. 
K: Randy Moss.  I'm pretty sure he couldn't kick a field goal, because it would have to clear not only the D-line, but also his ego.
P:  Todd Sauerbrun.  I will never forgive him for what he did to the bears while he was here.
Return Team:  Seattle.  I have no Idea how good they are, but I don't trust anyone who drinks that much coffee.
Special Teams: Corky from "Life Goes On"

[Grumpus]

I just have look at my fantasy team and I'm reminded of the worst team ever.

[VikingJuice]

If you had to build a "worst NFL team", who would you put on it?  And you have to use players that might conceivably play this coming week in the NFL.

QB:  Joey Harrington, DET:  Mr Bad Decision
RB:  JJ Arrington, ARI:  For a highly-touted rookie, he's not doing too well.  And his pass protection's not too good either.
FB:  I have no idea who plays FB for the Colts, but I'll pick him because they never use him.  I'm sure he's not that bad.
WR:  Dez White, ATL:  Can't seem to catch anything.
WR:  Koren Robinson, MIN:  Made some serious mistakes in the off-season that got him canned.  And he can't catch either.
WR:  Ike Hilliard, TB:  Is he even still playing?
TE:  The guy who plays TE for Arizona.  He never seems to make plays.
Offensive Line:  Houston.  There's a reason David Carr -- who's not a bad QB overall -- gets sacked so many times.
Defensive Line:  Buffalo.  For a good defense, they certainly allow a lot of rushing yardage.
Linebackers:  Arizona.  I don't care how good Shaun Alexander is; you shouldn't allow him to score three times per game on you.
Secondary:  Patriots.  They're trying.  They really are.  But they're too beat-up by injuries to be effective.
K:  Doug Brien, formerly of CHI, now released due to injury:  Talk about going from golden boy (OT FG to beat SD in last year's playoffs) to goat (FG missed to beat PIT in last year's playoffs).
P:  Reggie Hodges, PHI:  I watched him kick last night.  Not at all impressed.  No wonder he was released by STL.
Return Team:  Jacksonville.  I never hear anything good come out of these guys.  Nothing bad, but nothing good, either.  Even Houston has a star return man.
Special Teams:  All.  If you can't make it through a game without someone getting penalized for an illegal block in the back (basically pushing someone when they're not facing you), there's something wrong.

Ind FB: James Mungro though he's used more as a TB in spots

Cards TE:  I had to look these up because it's changed since pre-season
TE   83 Eric Edwards    89 Adam Bergen    84 Teyo Johnson(former Raider)

[VikingJuice]

My list is the all MORON/drug/assualt/spousal abuse team

QB:  Todd Marinovich, Oak - Cocaine/assualt
QB:  Warren Moon, Hou, KC, Sea, Minn.- after starting the Crescent Moon foundation for underpriviledged children, was arrested twice for beating his wife
QB: Joe Gilliam, Pit- after being booted from the league for marijuana, later ended up strung out on crack in was in and out of prison

RB:  Lawrence Phillips, STL, Mia, SF- DWI, assualt, aggrivated assault, vehicular assualt, violation of probation, g/f assault including dragging his college gf by the hair down one flight of stairs and cracking her head repeatedly on the mailbox only to be allowed to play a month later in the championship game for Nebraska

RB:  Mercury Morris, Mia- spent 8 years in a federal penitentiary for cocaine trafficking

RB: Sammy Smith, Mia, Den- spent time in prison for cocaine trafficking

RB: Bobby Humphrey, Den, Mia- spent time in prison for marijuana possession, was shot in the leg in a drug deal gone bad, was never charged in that incident(also traded in the 1992 season for Sammy Smith above)

FB:  Cecil Collins, Mia- DWI, breaking and entering, marijuana, assault, stalking, breaking in to a woman's apartment and standing over her in bed while her husband was in bed with her and then diving out the 2nd floor window upon noticing the husband in bed

FB: Bam Morris, Pit, Balt.- caught with 45 lbs of pot in his car trunk after getting pulled over for speeding and weaving

WR: Alexander Wright, Dal- Marijuana

WR: Michael Irvin, Dal- Cocaine and hookers (at the same time)

WR: Rae Carruth, Car- Conspiracy to commit murder by hiring a hitman to kill his finace and her unborn child

WR: Mark Duper, Mia- drug trafficking, spent 3 years in prison

TE: Eric Green, Pit, Mia, Balt, -Marijuana, DUI

TE: backup: Randy McMichael, Mia-caught smacking his wife twice, in public, with witnesses, and she dropped the charges both times

Offensive Line: Nate Newton, Dal, Car.- pulled over with 600 lbs of pot in his trunk and had the balls to say it was for personal use!

Defensive Line:  Dexter Manley, Was, TB- 4 time drug user in the pros, only permanent suspension from the league for substance abuse, spent time in prison 11 times as of 1998, even as a millionaire, never learned to read till 1998

Linebackers:  Lawrence Taylor, NYG, arguably the most feared player in NFL history was high on Cocaine, while playing, for almost a decade.  Sad thing is, he was REALLY REALLY good even while high.

Secondary:  Dennis Weathersby, Cin- Longtime member of a violent gang in Los Angeles, shot in a driveby while visting his peeps in da hood during the offseason after his first year in the league

K: Mike Vanderjagt, IND-got liquored up and then agreed to do an interview on national TV where he proceeded to rail on his coach and QB

P: I got nothing. 

Return Team:  Clayton Holmes and Kenneth Gant, Dal, both tested positive for marijuna and were later charged with possession



And the all-time number one pick for this team, three words.....

Orenthal James Simpson, RB, Buf/SF- NFL Hall of Famer who murdered his wife and her lover and is STILL "looking for the real killer."  Apparently, the real killer is in Hawaii sipping Mai Tai's and the real killer also plays a lot of golf because those are about the only place he's searched.

[Grumpus]

My list is the all MORON/drug/assualt/spousal abuse team

QB:  Todd Marinovich, Oak - Cocaine/assualt
QB:  Warren Moon, Hou, KC, Sea, Minn.- after starting the Crescent Moon foundation for underpriviledged children, was arrested twice for beating his wife
QB: Joe Gilliam, Pit- after being booted from the league for marijuana, later ended up strung out on crack in was in and out of prison

RB:  Lawrence Phillips, STL, Mia, SF- DWI, assualt, aggrivated assault, vehicular assualt, violation of probation, g/f assault including dragging his college gf by the hair down one flight of stairs and cracking her head repeatedly on the mailbox only to be allowed to play a month later in the championship game for Nebraska

RB:  Mercury Morris, Mia- spent 8 years in a federal penitentiary for cocaine trafficking

RB: Sammy Smith, Mia, Den- spent time in prison for cocaine trafficking

RB: Bobby Humphrey, Den, Mia- spent time in prison for marijuana possession, was shot in the leg in a drug deal gone bad, was never charged in that incident(also traded in the 1992 season for Sammy Smith above)

FB:  Cecil Collins, Mia- DWI, breaking and entering, marijuana, assault, stalking, breaking in to a woman's apartment and standing over her in bed while her husband was in bed with her and then diving out the 2nd floor window upon noticing the husband in bed

FB: Bam Morris, Pit, Balt.- caught with 45 lbs of pot in his car trunk after getting pulled over for speeding and weaving

WR: Alexander Wright, Dal- Marijuana

WR: Michael Irvin, Dal- Cocaine and hookers (at the same time)

WR: Rae Carruth, Car- Conspiracy to commit murder by hiring a hitman to kill his finace and her unborn child

WR: Mark Duper, Mia- drug trafficking, spent 3 years in prison

TE: Eric Green, Pit, Mia, Balt, -Marijuana, DUI

TE: backup: Randy McMichael, Mia-caught smacking his wife twice, in public, with witnesses, and she dropped the charges both times

Offensive Line: Nate Newton, Dal, Car.- pulled over with 600 lbs of pot in his trunk and had the balls to say it was for personal use!

Defensive Line:  Dexter Manley, Was, TB- 4 time drug user in the pros, only permanent suspension from the league for substance abuse, spent time in prison 11 times as of 1998, even as a millionaire, never learned to read till 1998

Linebackers:  Lawrence Taylor, NYG, arguably the most feared player in NFL history was high on Cocaine, while playing, for almost a decade.  Sad thing is, he was REALLY REALLY good even while high.

Secondary:  Dennis Weathersby, Cin- Longtime member of a violent gang in Los Angeles, shot in a driveby while visting his peeps in da hood during the offseason after his first year in the league

K: Mike Vanderjagt, IND-got liquored up and then agreed to do an interview on national TV where he proceeded to rail on his coach and QB

P: I got nothing. 

Return Team:  Clayton Holmes and Kenneth Gant, Dal, both tested positive for marijuna and were later charged with possession



And the all-time number one pick for this team, three words.....

Orenthal James Simpson, RB, Buf/SF- NFL Hall of Famer who murdered his wife and her lover and is STILL "looking for the real killer."  Apparently, the real killer is in Hawaii sipping Mai Tai's and the real killer also plays a lot of golf because those are about the only place he's searched.

Holy crap! That's the best worst team I've ever seen. Except, for O.J., he was obviously set up by the man.  Funny though, I'll never forget where I was at and what I was doing when I was watching him getting "chased" down the highway in the El Bronco. It made for great reality TV in those days/.

[cnamon]

They cut TGIF to show the Bronco chase. 

And you are so wrong VJ.  How can you say that he is only looking for the killer in Hawaii?





He has also been in Miami looking for him sipping on mojitos.

[ReBurn]

They cut TGIF to show the Bronco chase. 

And you are so wrong VJ.  How can you say that he is only looking for the killer in Hawaii?





He has also been in Miami looking for him sipping on mojitos.

Who is mojitos?  The bellboy?

[VikingJuice]

They cut TGIF to show the Bronco chase. 

And you are so wrong VJ.  How can you say that he is only looking for the killer in Hawaii?





He has also been in Miami looking for him sipping on mojitos.

Who is mojitos?  The bellboy?

Mojitos is probably doing his current girlfriend.  Better watch out for the "NEW" real killer!

Props to Cn, that was funny.