Grrrrr

[Alice]

We get home at lunch and I let Bruce out of his cage.  I grab his leash and go to put it on him when he sees Cindy and runs over to her to say hi and give her kisses.  I say, "Bruce, get back here so we can go potty.  Don't give the bitch that wouldn't walk you any love."  So he came back and we went out.  When I walk back to our door, she's outside smoking:

Her: Why are you so pissed?

Me: Because you were too fucking selfish to walk the fucking dog last night and he was in his cage for far too long.  You told me you'd walk him.

Her: No I didn't.  You said 'If you get up, will you take him for a walk?'

Me:  Bullshit!  I asked if your arm was okay to walk him and you said yes.  I asked if you'd mind then if I went to the city for the night and you said that was fine.

Her: Well that isn't exactly asking me to walk the dog.  

Me: No but it's fucking implied.  And don't tell me at 26 years of age you don't understand implications.

Her: Well I honestly thought that you said if I get up to walk him.

Me: You're a bad fucking liar - stop.  You're just embarassing yourself and pissing me off more.

(Neighbor guy walks out to his porch, probably from hearing all the screaming.)

Her: I am not a bad liar.

Me: See?  That just showed me that you're lying.  If you weren't lying you would have said, "But I'm not lying."  I know when you're lying - I just don't always call you on it.

Her: Oh yeah?  Well name one thing I've lied to you about that you've (finger air quotes) caught but haven't told me about.  

Me: How about that day that I came home and saw a note on the board that said, "Went out with Mark".  And I tried calling your phone and I tried calling his but neither of you answered.  And when you came home at midnight with my pseudo boyfriend (nice way of saying friends with benefits) and I asked you if you guys fucked, you said no.  I've known for months and months that you did.  I just didn't give a fuck anymore.

Her: *stupid look*

Me: Why do you think I broke up with him 2 days later?  Because I don't want to even kiss someone that has been near you.  

Her: I didn't lie.

Me: Yes you did.  I asked Mark a few weeks later and he admitted to it.

Her: Oh.

Me: Yeah, oh.  

Her: Well I'm not lying about this.

Me: Please go inside so I can have a smoke.

Her: Can I have one with you?

Me: No.  Because I'm about 2 seconds away from clocking you.

Her:  You wouldn't... (gets punched hard in her 'enflamed shoulder')  FUCK!

Neighbor Guy: *comes over*  Everything okay?

Her: You fucking hit me!

Me: Yeah everything is cool.  Though I'd take my hand off of her arm right now - we don't know what diseases she has.  *gets punched lightly in the arm*  Don't fucking do that again.

Neighbor Guy: Yeah, please don't do that.  Why don't you go inside...

Her: Fine.  *walks inside*


Then the neighbor guy was asking what was up, that it wasn't cool to fight over some guy.  And I told him that was just an example, that I was mad about the dog.  He said, "Jesus christ - she couldn't walk him for 10 minutes?  She could have just called over here and I would have done it if she was in that much pain."

I went inside with Bruce and put him in his cage and she hugged me and cried and apologized.  I told her we'll finish this when we get home.

[cnamon]

She is so full of it.

She is toxic.

[eo000]

...she hugged me and cried and apologized.  I told her we'll finish this when we get home.

que the make-out music.

[Jessie]

She is so full of it.

She is toxic.

Damn you.

[Alice]

The best part though, and I wish I had it on tape, is when Colin (the neighbor guy) pushed her arm down and said, "Yeah, please don't do that again."

Because he did it in this tone of voice and with this expression on his face that either meant:

A.  She can hurt you.  What are you doing?

or

B.  That was the worst punch ever and you look stupid trying to fight.

[meredith]

I love your dogs Alice and Nishi!  I really think I may get one now...

They're a lot of work - but it pays off.  If you get one from the pound that's already housebroken, they're a lot less work. 

And Nishi, I hope one day I can drive out to visit you and bring Bruce with me for a weekend.

You can both meet me in Indy!   Just bring your roommate in the trunk so I can peel her flithy flesh off using a broken glass bottle. Then I'll break every one of her limbs.  And feed her green bean casserole.

[ReBurn]

I love your dogs Alice and Nishi!  I really think I may get one now...

They're a lot of work - but it pays off.  If you get one from the pound that's already housebroken, they're a lot less work. 

And Nishi, I hope one day I can drive out to visit you and bring Bruce with me for a weekend.

You can both meet me in Indy!   Just bring your roommate in the trunk so I can peel her flithy flesh off using a broken glass bottle. Then I'll break every one of her limbs.  And feed her green bean casserole.

You wouldn't do that to a green bean casserole, would you?

[Alice]

Cin now has to wear the pumpkin hat.


(thanks eo000)

[ReBurn]

hahaha

[meredith]

hahahah


Get that shit off my screen.  I feel dirty.

[cnamon]

hahahah


Get that shit off my screen.  I feel dirty.

We should keep posting until we get to the next page.

[Beefy]

You need to move away from there.

[eo000]

You need to move away from there.

town folk

[cnamon]

You can move to DC and stay with me until you get on your feet.  There are plenty of jobs, you don't need a car, and I live here.

Can't get much better.

[nishi]

when is the soonest that you can buy the car so i can have her killed?

[eo000]

btw - cnamon, i watched alexander last night. rosario. boobies. wow.

[Alice]

You can move to DC and stay with me until you get on your feet.  There are plenty of jobs, you don't need a car, and I live here.

Can't get much better.

I have to pay off my current debts and finish this lease.  Then I'm out of here.  

Maybe Bruce and I will live off the land for awhile.  Or maybe I'll hop a train and play Natty Gann for awhile.  

Thanks for the offer - we'll see where I'm at next May.

[DownSouth]

I hate her so much!

[cnamon]

You can move to DC and stay with me until you get on your feet.  There are plenty of jobs, you don't need a car, and I live here.

Can't get much better.

I have to pay off my current debts and finish this lease.  Then I'm out of here.  

Maybe Bruce and I will live off the land for awhile.  Or maybe I'll hop a train and play Natty Gann for awhile.  

Thanks for the offer - we'll see where I'm at next May.

Make NoChin take the lease or find another roomie to take it over with her, you live with me for a while for free and use the money from your job to take care of your debt.

[eo000]

I hate her so much!

watch alexander, you'll think differently about rosario. i promise.

[Beefy]

btw - cnamon, i watched alexander last night. rosario. boobies. wow.

You better believe it's in my Netflix queue for just that reason!

[eo000]

btw - cnamon, i watched alexander last night. rosario. boobies. wow.

You better believe it's in my Netflix queue for just that reason! Well, that and the farrell/leto manlove.

[DownSouth]

I hate her so much!

watch alexander, you'll think differently about rosario. i promise.

Not her.  The roommate.  Rosario is hot.

[nishi]

she's really beautiful, but that dress makes her look like she needs a bra. which from seeing her without one and without the dress, she doesn't.

[nishi]

she's really beautiful, but that dress makes her look like she needs a bra. which from seeing her without one and without the dress, she doesn't.

that's rosario, not alice's roomate.

alice's roomate needs a muzzle.