Burger Fuhrer

[SockmonkeyHolocaust]

No ending yet.

(Scene with a Ren Fare person standing in front of the counter. Boober is standing behind the counter with a smug look on his face.)
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             
Boober: I am sorry, there were no burgers in medieval times...

Ren Fare Asshole: HAHA, very good. Give me a cheeseburger.

Boober: What forsooth is this

(Steve walks up)
Steve (whispering): Hey man, c'mon. Stop it.

Boober (whispering loudly): No, fuck them. This is principle. If they want to dress up in funny costumes, and act annoying when i ask them where the goddamn bathroom is then they better be able to take it.

Refare Asshole: Then, good sir, I would like a side of beef.

Boober (turns back): Sorry sir, we don't serve sides of beef here.

RFA: But you said...

Boober: Yes, traditionally there have never been any sides of beef in Burger Fuhrer, hence there are no sides of beef at Burger Fuhrer..

RFA: <scottish accent>That's it! Where's the manager? I want to speak to im right now.

Boober (with shit eating grin): Alas alack, my liege is absent, gone on a crusade for AA batteries. he is not expected back in a fortnight.

<renfare crowd gathers around>
RFA: Either we get our food, or I think we have a castle to assault.

(Steve decides to stop being the voice of reason and enters into the fray)
Steve: Dude, i don't know about you, but I am totally digging maid marian's breastworks over there...heh...heh...
<turns and stares at her tits, silence>

RFA: Are you going to give us our food or what?

Boober: Come the fuck back when you all move out of your parents' basement, asshats.
<ringing as a sword is unsheathed, Boober leaps across the counter, a spatula in hand, they tumble, and it turns into the swordfight scene from hamlet>

<Steve dumps hot fries on them>

<Boober forces ren fare combatant out the door triumphs holds spatula in threatening manner>
Boober: Give up and get out!
(RFA stands up, suddenly you see focused behind him a line of arrowmen)
RFA: No I think it is you who should give up! Guards!
(arrows fly, Boober gets behind door as fast as possible, arrows miss and he gives the finger)

RFA: CHARGE!!!

Boober: Oh shit. Retreat!

<Car pulls up outside, sees battering ram and tower>

Old people: Let's go to the Dairy Queen.


(Boober ducks behind counter starts hurling everything he can at them)
Motherfuckers! Motherfuckers
<a barrage of arrows shoot over head, both slide down behind counter>
Looks like our days at Burger Fuhrer are ended.

Steve: I have an idea....

<comes out wearing kitchen gear and fake eyepatch>
Steve: Avast ye mateys!!! I have captured the scallimwag!

Steve: I will take yon...yon...what the hell?

Boober: cur

Steve: cur out back and separate his mangey carcass from his odorous head. Arrrr.
<RFAs start to follow>
Avast...<elbowed> avaunt yon fellows, where art thou going?

RFAs: We want to watch!!!

Steve: Ye can't, man. Would Richard the Lionhearted have...have...uh...
and during the crusades, did, um Sir Optimus Prime behead the nasty varlet Count Magatron in front of...of...
<starts laughing>
dude, I am sorry. we just got our asses handed to us by ren farers and now we're trying to get out of it with an old Mel Brooks routine...

Boober: wasn't this a Robin Williams movie?

RFA: Kill!

(Muriel comes out the back)
Muriel: What the hell are you people doing?
RFA: Get thee back in the kitchen wench.
Muriel: WHO THE FUCK SAID THAT?
(ren farers take a step back)
I SAID, WHO. THE. FUCK. JUST SAID THAT?
(ren farers take a step back again and start leaving, soon it's just RFA)
Boober: Quick! Catch! (throws spatula, it bounces off her arm)
Muriel: Don't throw shit at me. Who's going to clean this? You Boober, that's the fuck who.
(points at Ren Fare guy) YOU. OUT.
(cut to outside) He gets booted again.

[Jessie]

That's really funny!

It reminds me of Clerks for some reason.  I don't know if that's good or bad to you, but I can totally see those two doing that shit.

[DownSouth]

That was so funny.

[nishi]

i love any story with renfair guys trying to justify cheeseburgers.